Blog

• hello

  2025‑07‑11

  hi. i sit here at 1:53pm, staring at notepad.exe, feeling palpably anxious and desparately lost

  been a while since i've even had the thought to "code" (maybe that's not totally true.. i did this a few days ago), but here i am, cooking up a website again. i guess i just want to re-claim my space on the internet, or something.

  so, what have i been up to?

  • i moved from Ottawa to a friend's house back in my hometown
  • i got a job working at a grocery store
  • i'm over 50% done completing my grade 12 graduation
  • i've been deeply depressed and unhappy with myself. and inexplicably tired. (not exactly new, but the feeling grows stronger daily)
  • i've tried to reach out to more people (keyword: tried)
  • i've been mindlessly consuming brainrot
  • i stopped smoking weed after years of being a daily smoker
  • i am unmedicated but will hopefully change that within the month

  i guess i'm doing alright, but it doesn't feel that way. it has been a very long time since i've felt any sort of stability. i don't feel comfort in any of my old hobbies and interests, so i choose to neglect them. i hate to say it, but your goat is washed.

  do i have anything good to say? not really, lol.

  i've watched some anime recently (past few months)

  • frieren - i really like this show and i shared it with a friend who also really likes this show
  • astro (the netflix one) - it was pretty cool, but i fear i need to read and watch the source material
  • MONSTER - i got through a few episodes of it and enjoyed what i watched, but i haven't returned to it.

  watching content is more of a thing where i can let my eyes glaze over and roll backwards. it doesn't feel good, but it feels like that's all i can muster as of late. or ever? maybe i never had interesting or original thoughts to begin with. i don't know. my memory has been bad lately.

  ---

  i think that's all i have to say, probably. still feel anxious. and i have a static site generator to build, woohoo! (-_-) i work tomorrow. 6am-3pm. i usually wake up around 4:30am so i can bike into town and be there between 5 and 5:30, which is enough time to sit and stew with a coffee from tim hortons.

  thanks for being a place to vent internet